the bright future frightens me

I've gone through several 'phases' thus far in my life. The one I remember most was the phase of learning about evolution. It marked the beginning of challenging some of the beliefs that I didn't even know I had.

My current phase (and this one comes and goes, like the rest) is futurism. I've been paying a whole lot of attention to where the world is headed. I've been listening to brilliant people discuss their findings from years of research into global trends. I've been watching the progress of the Internet and new technologies. I've been reading about the genome project, space exploration, political shifts, economic flux, and the redistribution of wealth.

Right now I'm about to turn 25 years old and have had some amazing experiences thus far. I've traveled, I've met incredible people, I've been exposed to human and other forces, and I've been developing insight into how this planet works.

But I'm sedentary. I still live in the same city during a time in my life when travel is deemed most effective and affective. I don't have a job, which inhibits my ability to grow outwardly. It inhibits my ability to experience the world we live in; a world that costs money to be a fully functioning member of. So I sit at home and absorb predictions on how the world will change over the next 20 to 100 years.

Having such a comprehensive vision of what the world will be when I'm older, while still maintaining the great uncertainty that comes with predicting the future, is worrisome. That's because I feel like the world will always be ahead of me. I'm listening to people I admire tell me that soon we'll all be a part of some big network of minds that work together to tackle bigger problems that don't include near as much human suffering.

This future world excites me but leaves me worried for selfish reasons.

This will sound pretentious, but fuck it. I have confidence in myself. Not just that I will succeed in life, but that my success will be in changing the world by affecting a large number of people's lives. I have a great deal of strengths that all point in the direction of 'leader.' Empathy, confidence, an ability to articulate my opinions, reasoned approach, vision... But the number of leaders is growing and a new one (me) won't be special.

* * *

My current frustration is that I feel my strengths can't be put to effective use unless I cross some threshold. This threshold seems to be 'entering the workforce.' Sounds stupid, I know. I am pretty arrogant to believe that I'm the only one who doesn't want to work. I am one of the millions of kids from my generation who feels entitled to a life of wealth and happiness. Logically I know I should be working to attain my goals, but so far I haven't had to.

I'm sitting here, lamenting my current state of affairs to try and get these thoughts out of my head. A diary won't do so I stick them online for 2 random people to start reading and stop after two paragraphs. There is no discourse here except with myself. So, self: GET OFF YOUR GODDAMN ASS.

Nope, didn't work.

computerz

I don't have a job, currently. I could arguably be considered someone wasting his and others time. But I do so with a pleasant demeanour, so I can get away with it. Though, these delightful days are probably coming to an end.

I have little structure to my life at the moment. No major medium-term goals. I generally sit at my laptop and read, read, read. Well, more like read, listen, watch. I am soaking up information like an insatiable info-sponge. And while a portion of this time should really, really be spent making money, there is still value to what I'm doing with my time.

I am broadening my understanding of the world on many levels. The Internet is allowing me to monitor world events and to research a plethora of genres including physics, politics, genetics, technology, sociology, anthropology, nutrition, astronomy, global health, statistics, economics, etc, etc, etc. And while me and my parents can still effectively interact in the same world, it is probably quite true that my view is much broader and forward-looking than theirs.

And perhaps that's part of the problem here. While I read and learn and grow, I often feel that my development has direction. I feel as though I'm preparing for the future. Preparing for the time when I'll be making important decisions that affect more than just a couple of people. Preparing for a time when I will have a purchasing power and extended influence on opinions that will allow me to make substantial changes to the world around me.

Now, while I feel I can justify my addiction to information, there is still the sticky issue of sustaining myself without mooching off of others. I mooch a whole lot right now (I've been called a 'stray cat'). I'm 'allowing' the world to sustain me by doing the minimal amount of work. But my ability to live like this is diminishing as I deplete my reserves of cash (or access to cash, rather). So I'm waiting for that crucial moment of hitting bottom.

Do I require bottoming out in order to make a change? I know the choices that have to be made. I know a lot of the moves I could make which would have positive impact on my life. But for some reason I'm not making them. I feel there are two reasons for this.

One is that, as I said, I am able to continue living (quite comfortably!) in this fashion. There are pressures from creditors, family, society, friends, my own image of my future self. But these pressures are nominal. I can deal with them. They are annoyances, nothing more.

The other is that it appears that patience pays off. I have longer timelines for achieving my goals and as such the paths to them provide less resistance. Obstacles simply peter out or opportunities show themselves eventually. Historically speaking I have not had to put in major short-term effort to attain my goals because I have allowed for very long-term approaches and put up with extended periods of waiting.

Right now I'm 'waiting' on a job that is so close I can taste it. The time line leading to this follows, and you will see that not much effort has been put into getting to this point.

I graduated high school and decided to pursue a business and computer science joint-degree program. Through the business component I was required to complete three work-terms. Two of these work terms were with a company that put me in charge of launching their dormant new website. It was my only real task and as such was able to follow closely our provincial election most of the time and still launch the site with time to spare. I interacted and developed a relationship with the company that built the website. Since then they have considered me a candidate for potential employment and have maintained a relationship with me beyond graduation. I mostly have just been following their lead.

Recently they contacted me to discuss a potential job that would assign me to a contract that they have with the provincial government and as such they require government approval to hire me. So we're both waiting on the government to make a move. Waiting.

Summer is passing quickly with some interesting events and experiences, but I am so limited in funds that I'm not doing all that I could be doing. Not that I could do more with a job (less free time), but somehow I feel a job would be a good node around which my life could be structured.

The fear, however, is that a) I will not get the job and so the time spent waiting was actually wasted, and b) I will be equally as unproductive but just get paid for it until they discover this.

It seems to be an easy dilemma to solve: just start being productive. And you know, I probably will do so once I have some clear direction. But historically speaking, I feel like I've never gone long periods without slacking off at a ridiculous level. What's to say I will have the incentive to change this about myself? "Where there's a want there's a will," they say. But doesn't the 'want' need to be defined? What the hell do I want?

Here's what I want: I want to be motivated. I want to be healthy. I want to influence wide-spread change. I want to be rich. I want to see the world. I want to love the world. I want the world to kinda love me back. I want to achieve great things. I demand satisfaction!

I am confident I will achieve all of this. But I don't understand why I feel this way given that I am a sloth. Am I the product of a society of entitlement? Do I simply feel I deserve what I desire?

Maybe so! However I also see evidence that that's all I need to attain it. Only time will tell.

competitive arts and culture

I've been trying to figure out what Prime Minister Stephen Harper's vision is for Canada. It's hard to tell with this guy.

My theory is that Harper is not so much concerned with governing the people of Canada, but rather with operating Canada on the world stage. It would appear that Harper wants to be in the big leagues with world leaders.

Our Prime Minister is diverting attention and social funding to explicit economic initiatives and, most importantly, to the army. In my opinion, his approach to bolstering the economy is severely flawed, but that is not the point. Harper is probably trying to strengthen our economy and army in an attempt to gain clout among the leaders of the developed world.

If this is indeed the case, then he's doing it all wrong. First of all, it would appear that the Harper government is adopting American-style policies. There is a lot of evidence that the Bush administration's approach to governing is not working very well at all.

More importantly, however, is the PM's low regard for social and cultural funding. Among many other programs cut by the Conservative government were ones that fund literacy programs and international promotion of Canadian culture.

An illiterate population is easier to control, so one can see why Harper would want to chop that. However even the slowest of us realize that an educated populace is more productive. And as for promoting Canadian culture abroad, cutting this program works against Harper's possible plan to gain clout among the other leaders of the world.

Harper seems to ignore that leaders in other parts of the world are influenced by their citizens (at least somewhat). Briefly put, a populace that knows and understands and likes Canada is more likely to have a leader that feels the same way.

Harper may be a good strategist, but as he enters the world stage his narrow-minded approach is becoming apparent.

politics and religion

Figured I'd use this post to kind of summarize a couple of my views. This can be used to give an idea of where my ideologies are and will hopefully provide some insight into my view of the world.

Broadly speaking, I try to take an objective approach to issues. I generally don't form opinions of much strength until I've at the very least had an opportunity to hear what the opposing arguments are. For example, I have absolutely no idea who I think is right in the Israeli / Palestinian conflict, despite the fact that it is a commonly discussed global issue here in North America. I just haven't paid attention to it yet.

In contrast, I do maintain a strong opinion with respect to the Atlantic Accord issue, as I demonstrated in my last post. However, I try to remain as objective as possible and have done my best to digest opposing views. Unfortunately a lot of the commentary surrounding this particular issue comes from people who seem to miss / misreport facts and are not aware of the history. Or at least, that's the way it seems.

So. What are the views I hold today? Let's start with the doozies: Politics and Religion.

Politics

I am liberal-leaning. I base my choice in governing party at any level on how 'well-rounded' their approach to governance is. I am a strong believer that a healthy and happy society requires a solid foundation in many areas, and that these components are all inter-connected in some way. It is frustrating when a political party puts its primary focus on one major theme like social welfare or economic prosperity. Money does not breed happiness, but I'll tell ya, bein' poor sucks.

Right now I am a huge supporter of my current provincial Progressive Conservatives under Danny Williams, and have decided I will vote for Stephane Dion's Liberals in the next federal election. Williams has proven himself to be a convincing leader who can be trusted, and Dion is showing signs that he could do very good things for the country.

I do not support Stephen Harper's Conservatives, and while I am surely biased thanks to Danny Williams' vocal opposition to Harper, I have several other reasons to wish him out of power. First, Harper has shown strong indications that he functions only to win; his moves are clearly strategic and he is extremely vague with respect to his vision for Canada.

Second, he has blatently broken several high-profile election promises, has contradicted himself openly many times, and maintains tight control over the information that leaves the PMO. He simply cannot be trusted and has demonstrated this very, very clearly.

Vote Liberal!

Religion

This one is touchy. Not for me, but for many, many others. Religious views are so important to individuals, and I suppose part of the reason for this is that religion is such a strong identifier. For many people it is a source of moral and emotional guidance, and having their views challenged can be threatening.

I went to a Roman Catholic church and school in my formative years. However, my community is largely secular, and many, if not most of my friends either don't believe in God or have serious doubts. Most of these same people are extremely kind and intelligent and are highly involved in the community. Now, does this mean that you don't need religion to be moral? I personally believe this is true, however most of the people I know are still involved in the church in one way or another. Perhaps, then, religion is still an important communicator of moral values. This has yet to be seen.

So what do I believe? I have sometimes considered myself an agnostic, which basically means I "don't know" if there's a God or not. But I'm re-evaluating that position. It is definitely true that I don't know if there's a god or gods, however based on the evidence I think it's highly unlikely that there is some supreme ruler of the universe.

One might say 'Ah ha! So you admit there could be a God!' And they'd be right. But that does not mean it's equally likely that there is a god as no god. I think the odds are stacked heavily against the God hypothesis.

I have many, many reasons why I don't believe in God. I am quite willing to debate someone on the topic. However I'm more interested in focusing my newly energized fascination with the universe on learning more about what we know for sure. Why spend weeks, months, and years worshiping someone who threatens to damn me to eternal suffering if i don't play by His rules, especially if He's probably not even there?

Going Forward

So where am I without God? I'm in the real world. I'm prepared to accept all beliefs as important to our global culture. I'm excited about the rapid progress we're making despite bickering over who's God is real. I see secularism as an important movement in human evolution because it will be those who do not subscribe to a discriminatory religion that will help to bring all of humanity together to tackle very real global threats.

To vote based on religious beliefs is to vote as a naval-gazer.

My next blog post will probably be about animal welfare and global climate change.